Astoria Mets Fan said the Hernandez injury should spark a deluge of old age jokes. I’m sure it will.
Actually, somebody loudly said in the clubhouse today, “I wonder what Jimmy Rollins has to say about this?’’
If you’re in a joking mood, here’s your forum.
Let it rip.
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What’s worse than having an over-the-hill, aging, arthritic El Duque on your pitching staff?
Having Adam Eaton.
John, thanks for keeping us informed on this one. You’re building a loyal fanbase! First bullet dodged!
So when El Duque went to the doctors for a checkup the team doctor said, “Orlando, today as part of your examination, I will need a urine sample and a stool sample”.
El Duque looked at Omar and said, “What did he say?”
Omar replied, “He needs a pair of your underwear.”
El Duque’s grandson was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed.
El Duque looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma’s idea!”
Press Release
Kimberly-Clark Corporation [NYSE: KMB], the New York Mets & New York Mets Pitcher Orlando Hernandez have reached an exclusive sponsorship deal involving one of Kimberly-Clark best known brands. Hernandez, also known as El Duque, will be the official spokeman for Kimberly-Clark brand “Depends.” “El Duque has a policy of only endorsing products he uses,” said Mets General Manager Omar Minaya. “We feel that this agreement will benifit all parties involved.”
Kimberly-Clark will use cardboard cutout displays of Mr. Hernandez in nearly 80 consumer markets and will feature the Cuban-born pitcher in comercials and on the product boxes. Rain Delays at Shea Stadium will now be sponsored by Depends. The Field Tarp will feature a Depends logo and Met announcers will point out how “Absorbant the Depends tarp is.”
This is the second such agreement Kimberly-Clark has made with a major league ballclub and a player this week. On Monday, Kimberly-Clark, The Philadelphia Phillies and Jimmy Rollins agreed on an exclusive agreement for Mr. Rollins to endorse Kimberly-Clark brand “Kotax” Tampons.
What teamwork is about!!!! Julio Franco and El Duque at lunch…
Julio Franco ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of El Duque. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of El Duque too.
He took a sip of the drink, Duque took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, their team mates around them kept looking over and whispering.
You could tell they were thinking, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”
As the man began to eat his fries David Wright came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine – They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed that Duque hadn’t eaten a bite. He sat there watching Franco eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Next Reyes came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time El Duque said “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”
As Franco finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, Wright again came over to El Duque who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”
He answered :
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“THE TEETH.”
Fastforward to October 2007:
Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Charlie Manuel are arguing about who should lead off in the most important game they’ve played all year.
Rollins says “Charlie, let me lead off, I’ll probably keep the ball on the ground”
Utley interrupts “No, I should be first. I make good contact and usually put the ball in play”
The Ryan Howard says “C’mon Charlie I want the first shot, I can hit the ball a mile”
Manuel scratches his head, looks around, and says “alright big fella, go blast one”
With that said, Ryan Howard pulls out his driver and walks to the first tee.